I can't really say this subject pisses me off, but it certainly puzzles me more and more the older I get. I'm talking about our funeral rituals that we go through when someone dies. Our 41st President, George H. W. Bush, just died and now the news media are following his body all around the country en route to its final resting place in Texas, I believe. I just have to ask why a dead body has to go on tour like this. I mean, we assume George's body is in that box they're hauling around from place to place. Who knows though really? And every stop along the way there are crowds of people lined up to "pay their respects" ... to a dead body. The older I get, the less I understand this.
After almost 50 years of life upon this earth, I've come to the conclusion that what makes us human is our soul or our inner being. I'm not quite sure what happens to that soul or inner being after our bodies die, but I'd like to think we continue on somehow. One thing is for sure though; once we're dead, we're dead. Our bodies become a dead, listless, rotting bag of skin, bones, and bodily fluids. Nothing more. Once I'm dead, I could care less what you do with my body. Donate it to science, feed a cannibal tribe in the Amazon jungle, put it out by the side of the road on Friday morning for trash pickup, or simply cremate it and then spread my ashes somewhere meaningful and poetic. But for God's sake, don't put me on display in a box for folks to gawk at. Don't even waste money on that fancy $3,000 box that you then end up burying in the ground anyway! How asinine is that?! I'm serious. I just don't get the value we place on dead bodies. You always hear the term "laid to rest" as if not burying them somewhere means that dead person will never rest. That's just stupid if you ask me.
What this all boils down to is a sense of closure and comfort for those of us still breathing. I suppose I get that. Losing a loved one is hard. In certain situations, it can be downright devastating. Going through the whole funeral process/ritual serves to write the final chapter of the dearly departed's life. It's a way for the surviving family members and friends to honor them one last time I guess. Fine. I just think it becomes a sillier notion for me the older I get.
My mom passed away almost three years ago. She was 88 years old. Aside for my asshole brother, my wife and I were the only family she had left. We had moved her here to Maryland so we could be close by as she spent that last ten years of her life fading away in a nursing home. Any old friends or acquaintances that were still alive when she passed were all the way back in Pennsylvania. None of them were that close to even try to keep in touch with her. So the saddest part for me of my mom passing away was the fact there was no one else but us there to mourn this incredibly awesome human being and honor her life of sacrifices and accomplishments. I didn't even share the news of her passing on Facebook because, frankly, none of those people knew my mom and I didn't want them to pity me for losing my mom; I wanted them to honor her memory. But none of them could because none of them knew her like I did -before Alzheimer's stole her sanity and clarity. That still makes me incredibly sad to this day. She deserved so much more honor and respect than my wife and I could provide at her passing.
Anyway, we had mom (her body) cremated and I have yet to spread her ashes anywhere. My wife thinks that's very bad of me. You probably do too. But the fact is, to me, that's just a bunch of ashes. It's not my mom. My mom died years before her body ever gave out. I have no doubt she's at rest now; regardless of where her ashes end up. I don't need to plant her in the ground somewhere so I can go back and visit. She's everywhere -and at the same time, nowhere- now. And I can visit her anytime I want just by chatting with her under my breath or in my head. My mom never wanted a viewing. She always used to say, "If folks can't come visit me while I'm alive, I don't want them showing up when I'm dead!" I know she wanted to be cremated and she even told me where to spread her ashes. And I will do that... just to get my wife off my back.
